EP Review: White Girl Whining

White Girl Whining is the sophomore EP from Tamaki Makaurau-based Star Chart, a project created and fronted by Chrissie Hart, multi-talented multi-instrumentalist extraordinaire. After an impressive career of touring the world playing on cruise ships, in hotels, and as a session musician, she returned to her hometown to finally start recording some original music that she’d been quietly working on since high school.

Having released their debut EP No Birthday in 2019, Star Chart have returned with this latest 5 song EP.

The opener is Cheese and Pickle Sandwich, a light and breezy piano part is joined by an eminently dance-inducing rhythm section. A little woodwind, a little marimba, a whole lot of fun. I tend to be easily amused, and the vociferous “BALLS!” at around the 2 minute mark had me cackling like a loon. Never before have I encountered an homage of such reverence directed towards that culinary delight of delights, a cheese & pickle sarnie. I can think of very few better subjects for a song.

Track 2 is Drunk Cake, and it has a sound more like an Indie Pop/Rock song. This one tackles the extremely important notion of Resentment Baking. Yeah, sure, you can have a birthday cake. But it’ll be the worst cake you’ve ever encountered, and I’ll be happily pissed as a fart whilst ruining it for you. A snarly, snotty, heavy chorus, I love it. If this was The Castle, it’d be going straight to the Pool Room. As it stands, it’s going straight to my “Everyday Favourites” Spotify playlist.

Ugly Baby is up next, which has a more electronic, post-punk feel sound to it. Magnificently irreverent lyrics again, a tale of woe from a new mother who is “very good looking”, in fact she and her husband’s families are “thoroughbred species”, don’t you know. Yet, despite both of them being premium breeding stock, they’ve managed to produce an ugly baby, Oh! The horror! Oh! The Shame! “Look at its face, such a disgrace!”. Well, at least they’re honest, I suppose. Some more chuckle-worthy lyrics in this one.

Track 4, Blame The 80’s, has a fantastic vocal melody. The music is exactly what you’d expect from a song about the 80’s, especially from a writer as hugely competent as this. Chock full of references to highlights and lowlights of that era. The lyrics suggest that whilst she may be a problem, it’s all the 80’s fault, and that’s all there is to it, thank you very much. The press release for White Girl Whining boasts that “The 5 track EP crosses multiple stylistic genres“, and it’s not an empty boast, by any means.

The title track is up last, and the musical backing suits the whimsical nature of the lyrical content just perfectly. Light percussion, stabs of 80’s-sounding synth, a slinky bass line, and a stylish horn section set the scene for this white girl to have a jolly good whine. And whine she most certainly does, albeit rather amusingly. Those whines are very “First World Problem”-ish: Boys won’t text her back (the DASTARDS!), Mum is such a nag, jeans make her butt look fat… you know the drill. All with a healthy dollop of self-awareness, “my life is full of petty problems, which I bring upon myself”, and the final lyrics gave me a good laugh (I’m not telling you what they are, go listen to it, I promise you’ll enjoy it).

I’m going to quote the press release again here, because it says it much better than I can:

“In a world flooded with overly earnest songwriters, White Girl Whining is “clever, catchy, and loveable pop music” and the perfect soundtrack for those who believe life is too short to take seriously”.

I reckon Star Chart would be an absolute blast to see live. Let’s hope they tour soon. Go listen to White Girl Whining, have some laughs at the lyrics, and be impressed by the range of musical styles on offer. Super stuff.